7.21.17
Lemon Verbatim in Jeopardy-What is Extra Curricular...
“Well, Napoleon finished a little bit bad. But I asked that. So I asked the president, so what about Napoleon? He said: 'No, no, no. What he did was incredible. He designed Paris.' [garbled] The street grid, the way they work, you know, the spokes. He did so many things even beyond. And his one problem is he didn’t go to Russia that night because he had extracurricular activities, and they froze to death. How many times has Russia been saved by the weather?"
#LemonLaw
7.20.17
Lemon Verbatim Speaks to The Times on Mitch...
"Yeah. It’s been a tough process for him. This health care is a tough deal. I said it from the beginning. No. 1, you know, a lot of the papers were saying — actually, these guys couldn’t believe it, how much I know about it. I know a lot about health care. [garbled] This is a very tough time for him, in a sense, because of the importance. And I believe we get there.
This is a very tough time for them, in a sense, because of the importance. And I believe that it’s [garbled], that makes it a lot easier. It’s a mess."
#LemonLaw
7.19.17
Lemon Verbatim On the House...
"The Republicans never discuss how good their healthcare bill is, & it will get even better at lunchtime. The Dems scream death as OCare dies!"
#LemonLaw
7.18.17
Tremendous Fracker...
"And, by the way, I only want to make great deals with Russia. Remember this, I have built up– we're getting $57 billion more for the military. Hillary was going to cut the military. I'm a tremendous fracker, coal, natural gas, alternate energy, wind–everything, right? But I'm going to produce much much more energy than anyone else who was ever running for office. Ever. We're going to have clean coal right here in the White House. I'm going to turn the White House into a coal-burning power plant. And we're going to give coal to all the children. We are going to say 'Merry Christmas' again!"
#LemonLaw
7.17.17
Made in America Week Serves Up A Nothing Burger Trumpcare Vote on Crusty Roll–Hold the Mayo...
“We hope McCain gets better very soon, because we miss him. He’s a crusty voice in Washington. Plus, we need his vote. He’ll be back soon. But we need that vote, and we need a number of votes to ensure millions and millions won't find things like blood clots in their heads during routine checkups"
#LemonLaw
7.16.17
The Round Up...
"The ABC/Washington Post Poll, even though almost 40% is not bad at this time, nearly 40% will seem like a very, very high number by the end of the summer."
#LemonLaw
7.15.17
Lemon Verbatim on the Need for Transparency…
"No, not joking, no. There is a chance that we can do a solar wall. We have major companies looking at that. Look, there's no better place for solar than the Mexico border–the southern border. And there is a very good chance we can do a solar wall, which would actually look good. But there is a very good chance we could do a solar wall.
One of the things with the wall is you need transparency. You have to be able to see through it. In other words, if you can't see through that wall–so it could be a steel wall with openings, but you have to have openings because you have to see what's on the other side of the wall.
And I'll give you an example. As horrible as it sounds, when they throw the large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don't see them–they hit you on the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It's over. As crazy as that sounds, you need transparency through that wall. But we have some incredible designs."
#LemonLaw
7.14.17
7:14 Because Dire Are The Straits, And Narrow Is The Road, Which Leadeth Unto Life, And Few There Be That Find It...
"No, I think, first, I want to do–well, we have a few things. We have a thing called healthcare. I'm sure you haven't been reading about it too much. It is one of the–I'd say the only thing more difficult than peace between Israel and the Palestinians is healthcare. It's like this narrow road that about a quarter of an inch wide. Only a few can fit on the road. So everybody else will be off the road. Healthcare is tough."
#LemonLaw
7.13.17
The Source's Apprentice...
"Again, the story that there was collusion between the Russians & Trump campaign was fabricated by Dems as an excuse for losing the election. The emails that my son, Donald, leaked are FAKE NEWS! Remember, when you hear the words "sources say" from the Fake Media, often times those sources are made up and do not exist."
#LemonLaw
7.12.17
To Err Apparent...
"My son Donald did a good job last night. He was open, transparent and innocent. His story has only changed four times so far. Completely honest! This is the greatest Witch Hunt in political history. Sad!"
#LemonLaw
7.11.17
Amor Patriae–Lemon Verbatim circa February...
"I think a lot of good things are happening, and you're going to see a lot of love, you're going to see a lot of love."
#LemonLaw
7.10.17
The Candidate Did Not Collude with the Campaign...
"I remember very clearly last summer not knowing about the meeting of Don Jr., Jared and Paul in Trump Tower with the Russian girl. I just got back from the G 19. It was tremendous! I didn't know what was going on there, either."
#LemonLaw
7.9.17
Safe and Unsound...
"Putin & I discussed forming an impenetrable Cyber Security unit so that election hacking, & many other negative things, will be guarded...and safe from FBI, Congressional, and Special Counsel investigations."
#LemonLaw
7.8.17
And Now A Word from Our sponsor: Vladverbatim–Makers of The Matryoshka Candidate...
"Trump on TV is very different from the Trump in person. He understands things very quickly. It seems to me that we will be able to base future relations on the kind of meeting we had yesterday."
#LemonLaw
7.7.17
The Steady Creep...
"On both sides of the Atlantic, our citizens are confronted by yet another danger – one we firmly control. This danger is invisible to some but familiar at the polls. The steady creep of government bureaucracy that drains my vitality and wealth. The Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity vice chairman, Kris Kobach asked the states for names, addresses, birth dates, and party affiliations of registered voters, as well as felony convictions, military statuses, the last four digits of Social Security numbers and voting records dating back to 2006. I created the commission to look into the 3 million illegal voters who stole my popular vote. We will keep all this data on a government website. We must stand united against these shared enemies to strip them of their territory, their funding, their networks, and any form of ideological support. We will win!"
#LemonLaw
7.6.17
Emerging Threats...
“We’ll see what happens — I don’t like to talk about what we have planned — but I have some pretty severe things that we’re thinking about. They are behaving in a very, very serious manner, and something will have to be done about it. At some point the Fake News will be forced to discuss our great jobs numbers, strong economy, success with ISIS, the border & so much else! We may have to have the DOJ stop the merger of CNN's parent company, Time Warner with AT&T. The dishonest media will NEVER keep us from accomplishing our objectives on behalf of our GREAT AMERICAN PEOPLE!"
#LemonLaw
7.5.17
Driving to Distraction...
"Meeting with Vlad soon. We are going to say Merry Christmas again. Will discuss gift from North Korea. The gift of distraction. DISTRACTION!!! No, I wasn't distracted when I was getting off the plane. I saw my limo. I was looking for my golf cart. I use my golf cart to conduct diplomacy!"
#LemonLaw
7.4.17
Sally Fourth...
"North Korea has just launched another missile. Does this guy have anything better to do with his life? Hard to believe that South Korea and Japan will put up with this much longer. Perhaps China will put a heavy move on North Korea and end this nonsense once and for all! Merry Christmas!"
#LemonLaw
7.3.17
Playing To The Base Instincts...
I am thinking about changing my name FakePresident to WWP, World's Worst President.
#LemonLaw
7.2.17
Snapped...
Liberal Wall Street Journal is Fake News! I drained the swamp and now all the Fraudulent Alligators with their Phony Allegations are out to get me!
#LemonLaw
7.1.17
Lemon Verbatim Beats Words Into Warfare...
"The FAKE & FRAUDULENT NEWS MEDIA is working hard to convince Republicans and others I should not use social media - but remember, I won the 2016 election with interviews, speeches and social media. I had to beat FakeNews, and did. We will continue to WIN! My use of social media is not Presidential - it’s MODERN DAY PRESIDENTIAL. Make America Great Again!"
#LemonLaw
6.30.17
Illegal Aliens–You Were Warned...
"Watched low rated Morning Joe for first time in long time. FAKE NEWS. He called me to stop a National Enquirer article. I said no! Bad show. Did not have Jared call to blackmail! National Enquirer ran the real story: Aliens Abducted America's Brain–Made Trump President."
#LemonLaw
6.29.17
The Misogyny Is The Message...
"Some of the Fake News Media likes to say that I am not totally engaged in healthcare. Wrong, I know the subject well & want victory for U.S.–Women are bleeding from their faces. Blood coming out of eyes, blood coming out of wherever. I said no!"
#LemonLaw
6.28.17
TRUMP IS HITTING ON ALL FRONTS… EVEN FAKE NEWS!
“The ‘Apprentice’ is a Presidential smash!"
#LemonLaw
6.27.17
Automatically Attracted...
"I'll be writing my own speech that my audio-animatronic figure in Disney's Hall of Presidents attraction in the Magic Kingdom. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything, grab 'em by the pussy. I have a lot of experience with bots, I have bought thousands and thousands for my Twitter."
#LemonLaw
6.26.17
Heart Attack Diet..
"Well Obama actually used my term, 'mean.' That was my term, Because I want to see -- and I speak from the heart -- that's what I want to see, I want to see a bill with heart. And I want it to be well done. And I want to eat the heart for my second lunch."
#LemonLaw
6.25.17
Teed Off...
"Do not worry. While I am T-ing off, I have Jared on lookout. He is doing a tremendous job handling the Middle East and things. The ship of state is doing Great!"
#LemonLaw
6.24.17
e You There Vlad, It's Me, Donald…
"I said at that press conference last year in Miami: 'Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 e-mails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. Let's see if that happens.' Obama, the Tapper and Comey, the Leaker, didn't stop me. So how can I be guilty of anything?"
#LemonLaw
6.23.17
On the Record with the Logic of Lemon Verbatim: Hanging by a Threat with Un-Masking Tape...
"Well I didn't tape him. You never know what's happening when you see that the Obama administration, and perhaps longer than that, was doing all of this unmasking and surveillance. And you read all about it and I've been reading about it for the last couple of months about the seriousness and horrible situation with surveillance all over the place. And you've been hearing the word "unmasking," a word you probably never heard before. So you never know what's out there, but I didn't tape and I don't have any tape and I didn't tape. But, when he found out that there may be tapes out there, whether it's governmental tapes or anything else, and who knows, I think his story may have changed. I mean, you'll have to take a look at that because then he has to tell what actually took place at the events. And my story didn't change. My story was always a straight story. My story was always the truth. But you'll have to determine for yourself whether or not his story changed. But, I did not tape."
#LemonLaw
6.22.17
Bitter Care Consolation Act...
"The Senate bill is Generous. Very Generous. It will pay for itself. We're gonna put solar panels on top of it–my idea."
#LemonLaw
6.21.17
Stealth Care...
"Don't blame me. I haven't seen the healthcare bill that's rocketing through the Senate, either. But If the Senate can't get the Healthcare bill passed, I may outsource it to the Pentagon– like I did with decisions about our wars. Let the generals decide who to kill."
#LemonLaw
6.20.17
Trying Times...
"While I greatly appreciate the efforts of President Xi & China to help with North Korea, it has not worked out. At least I know China tried! I'm not gonna tell if we're going to attack North Korea. It would ruin the surprise! But we are ramming. through a Secret, Secret healthcare bill in the Senate and it's going to have 'heart'! It's heart will be even meaner than the House version. If we're willing to do that to our own people...We shall see."
#LemonLaw
6.19.17
The Wicked Witch of the West Wing...
"How about a little 'you're FIRED', Scared Comey! Despite so many false statements and lies, total and complete vindication...and WOW, Comey is a leaker!–Ahhhhhhhhh!!! You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting. MELTING. I believe the James Comey leaks will be far more prevalent than anyone ever thought possible. Totally illegal? Very 'cowardly!' Ohhhhh, what a world, what a world. Who would have thought that some little Leaker like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness! The MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN agenda is doing very well despite the distraction of the Witch Hunt. Many new jobs, high business enthusiasm,...OHHHHHHH!!! NO!!! ..I'm going...ohhhhhhh..ohhhhhhhhhhhhh...."
#LemonLaw
6.18.17
Camp David Accordingly...
"Spending time at Camp David this weekend. Starting negotiations to normalize relations with my family. I have a fairly unbelievable relatinship with my family. We are working on a deal to get Melania to hold my hand in public. Since she is no longer busy selling her anti-aging cream made with caviar, I hope she'll be a little more receptive. We shall see."
#LemonLaw
6.17.17
Forgeta Bot It...
"The Fake News Media hates when I use what has turned out to be my very powerful Social Media - over 100 million people! Half of them are fake! I can go around them. We are employing lots and lots of bots. Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!"
#LemonLaw
6.16.17
I'll Get You, My Pretty, And Your Little DAG Too!...
"I am being investigated for firing the FBI Director by the man who told me to fire the FBI Director after I told him to tell me to fire the FBI director. Now who can I find to tell me to fire Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein? Witch Hunt"
#LemonLaw
6.15.17
Lemon Verbatim Hammers His Point...
"They made up a phony collusion with the Russians story, found zero proof, so now they go for obstruction of justice on the phony story. Nice...
Crooked H destroyed phones w/ hammer, 'bleached' emails, & had husband meet w/AG days before she was cleared- & they talk about obstruction?"
#LemonLaw
6.14.17
That's How He Rolls...
"The House healthcare bill is Great. I mean, Mean! Mean, Mean, Mean. I mean the House healthcare bill is Sick. It had a little accident. I threw it under the bus!"
#LemonLaw
6.13.17
Private Sessions...
"I didn't invoke my Executive Privilege with the Attorney General. I didn't need to. My meetings with him were PRIVATE! I already had him pledge his LOYALTY to me!"
#LemonLaw
6.12.17
Lemon Verbatim Presents: 'Das Cabinet des D.T. Allegory'...
"This is the first cabinet meeting with the entire cabinet present. The confirmation process has been record-setting long, and I mean record-setting long...
Never has there been a president....with few exceptions...who's passed more legislation, who's done more things than I have."
#LemonLaw
6.10.17
Poor Reception…
"Maybe satellite associates did something wrong. I did nothing wrong because I was not being personally investigated. I just wanted to get that out. The Cloud had been interfering with my ability to make deals for the country. I wanted the Cloud lifted! The Cloud was like a bankruptcy! I never went bankrupt, personally. When I met with Comey, I got a poor reception!"
#LemonLaw
6.9.17
The Trope Is the Thing with Fellas...
"I need loyalty, I expect loyalty. OK. Honest Loyalty...I have been very loyal to you, Comey, very loyal; we had that thing, you know."
#LemonLaw
6.8.17
Hope Is the Thing with Fellas...
"I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go. You know, we always called each other 'goodfellas.' Like you said to, uh, somebody, 'You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us.' You understand? We were goodfellas. Wiseguys."
#LemonLaw
6.7.17
Cloudy with a Chance of Obstruction…
"The Russian investigation is 'a cloud' that is impairing my ability to act on behalf of the country. I had nothing to do with Russia. I was not involved with hookers in Russia, I always assume that I am being recorded in Russia. You're not taking notes, are you, Comey?"
#LemonLaw
6.6.17
Cutting Off Qatar, You Know, Despite Our Military Base…
“During my recent trip to the Middle East I stated that there can no longer be funding of Radical Ideology. Leaders pointed to Qatar - look! So good to see the Saudi Arabia visit with the King and 50 countries already paying off. They said they would take a hard line on funding extremism, and all reference was pointing to Qatar. Perhaps this will be the beginning of the end to the horror of terrorism! This will absolutely not compromise our use of our military base in Qatar with 10,000 troops–I have met the emir of Qatar and he knows that I am a twit! He will ignore what I say."
#LemonLaw
6.5.17
The Twit...
"At least 7 dead and 48 wounded in terror attack and Mayor of London says there is "no reason to be alarmed!". Do they not realize that a delusional egomaniac has seized control of the United States government with the help of the Kremlin and is searching for any distraction!"
#LemonLaw
6.4.17
Par for the Courts...
"We need to be smart, vigilant and tough. We need the courts to give us back our rights. The courts have stripped our rights to an autocratic government. VERY BAD. Very hard to govern by fiat between golf games!"
#LemonLaw
6.3.17
Off Course...
"The Paris Accord created a U.N. slush fund. It is a redistribution of wealth to help pay for the Arctic ice cap turning into slush."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
6.2.17
Leveling the Competition...
"In my meetings at the G7, we have taken historic steps to demand fair and reciprocal trade that gives Americans a level playing field against other nations. We need fair-trade deals against other countries."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonalld
6.1.17
Sortie...
"Thus as of today, the United States will cease all implementation of the non-binding Paris Accord and the draconian financial and economic burdens the agreement imposes on our country. Non-binding agreements are very, very draconian because of the negative press covfefe."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.31.17
Spicer Verbatim Persists–Despite the Constant Negative Press Covfefe...
“The president and a small group of people know exactly what he meant,”
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.30.17
Spicer Verbatim – Nicht Zu Fassen...
"I think the relationship the President has had with Merkel he would describe as fairly unbelievable. They get along very well. He has a lot of respect for her. They continue to grow the bond that they had during their talks at the G7."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.29.17
The Media is the Message…
"The Fake News Media works hard at disparaging & demeaning my use of social media because they don't want America to hear the real story! The real story is not actually funny!"
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.28.17
Golf Cart Diplomacy...
"I've never cared much for the EU. It was very hard to set up golf courses there. It took me 2 1/2 years to get a license in Ireland. But Belgium does have very good chocolate!"
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.27.17
Back to Flak...
"We're going to build a War Room in the White House to combat all the BAD press. I'm putting Jared in charge."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.26.17
Lemon Verbatim's Backchannel Building...
"I also want to thank my staff. Paul, Corey, Hope. I mean these people. What we’ve been doing is been incredible. The work. The work has been unreal. And Jared, married to my daughter, Ivanka. I mean honestly, Jared is a very successful real estate person. But, I actually think he likes politics more than he likes real estate. And, he’s very good at politics."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.25.17
America Fist..
"I may have shoved the prime minister of Montenegro out of my way at NATO. He's lucky I didn't body-slam and pummel him. If members don't pay their protection money, I know a few Russian guys who might pay a little visit. You might want to keep your head down, Montenegro"
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.24.17
Lemon Verbatim Leaking Subs...
"We have a lot of firepower over there. We have two submarines – the best in the world – we have two nuclear submarines – not that we want to use them at all. I've never seen anything like they are but we don't have to use this but he could be crazy so we will see what happens."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.23.17
Promote the Possibility of Lasting Peach...
“I never mentioned the word or the name Israel. Never mentioned during that conversation. They’re all saying I did, so you have another story wrong. Never mentioned the word Israel. I am, of course, saying it now.
I just flew into Israel from the Middle East and boy am I tired.
Take my wife–Please!"
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.22.17
Cloak and Dagger – Coats and Rogers...
“Can we ask him to shut down the investigation? Are you able to assist in this matter? Asking for a friend."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.21.17
Lemon Verbatim Meats the Emir of Qatar...
"Thank you very much everybody. We have some wonderful meetings going on over the last two days. We are friends, we've been friends now for a long time indirectly, haven't we? And our relationship is extremely good. We have some very serious discussions right now going on. And one of the things that we will discuss is the purchase of lots of beautiful military equipment because nobody makes it like the United States. And for us that means jobs, and it also frankly means great security back here which we want. So it's an honor to be with you, and thank you very much."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.20.17
In the Event of the Loss of Cabinet Pressure...
"I have been asking Director Comey & others, from the beginning of my administration, to find the LEAKERS in the intelligence community. So many leakers! Almost as many leakers as my administration has ties to Russia."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.19.17
Obstruction of Justice Taking Off
–Late Breaking Lemon Verbatim Edition...
“I just fired the head of the F.B.I. He was crazy, a real nut job. I faced great pressure because of Russia. That’s taken off.”
#LemonLaw #DivesrDonald
5.18.17
Surety Bond...
"No politician in history, and I say with surety, has been treated worse, more unfairly. With all of the illegal acts that took place in the Clinton campaign & Obama Administration, there was never a special counsel appointed! After all, one was a woman and the other was black–Our country was founded on the premise that they should have no rights. It's so unfair that my white-male privilege is being challenged."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.17.17
Putin It In Perspective...
"When I spoke with Putin he asked me whether or not I would see Lavrov. Now, should I say ‘no, I’m not going to see him?’ I said, ‘I will see him.' As President I wanted to share with Russia a little Israeli intelligence which I have the absolute right to do. Not everything I do is criminal, some of it is incompetent."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.16.17
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know
Let it go, let it go...
"I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. Otherwise I may have to let you go, Comey. I have to go."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.15.17
Intelligence…
"I get great intel. I have people brief me on great intel every day. I feed it to Russian agents in the oval office. I shit you not!"
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.14.17
High Stakes Lemon Verbatim...
"China just agreed that the U.S. will be allowed to sell beef, and other major products, into China once again. This is REAL news!"
#LemonLaw
5.13.17
Unmasking Tapes...
"James Comey better hope that there are no 'tapes' of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press! I was just telling Kissinger that I am not a crook! With a few exceptions."
#LemonLaw
5.12.17
Lemon Verbatim Hedges His Bets...
"As a very active President with lots of things happening, it is not possible for my surrogates to stand at podium with perfect accuracy! Maybe the best thing to do would be to cancel all future "press briefings" and hand out written responses for the sake of accuracy???"
#LemonLaw
5.11.17
Reasons for Termination...
"He's a showboat, he's grandstander, the FBI has been in turmoil. You know that, I know that. Everybody knows that. Everybody knows that a leader who's a showboat and a grandstander turns everything into such a mess. You take a look at the country, it was in virtual turmoil, less than a year ago. It hasn't recovered from that."
#LemonLaw
5.10.17
Realpolitik...
"While I greatly appreciate you informing me, on three separate occasions, that I am not under investigation, I nevertheless concur with the judgment of the Department of Justice that you are not able to effectively lead the investigation into Trump-Russia now that I'm firing you."
#LemonLaw
5.8.17
The End of the Deal...
"The Russia-Trump collusion story is a total hoax. It was Not collusion when I took their money. If you look at how I do business, I usually don't make good on my end of the deal."
#LemonLaw
5.7.17
Lemon Verbatim Access Hollywood Medicare Edition...
"Okay, then let me more clear. I'm not going to touch it, because I said it. Now, waste, fraud and abuse, I'm going to touch. If there's something in Medicare that's been abused, I will touch that. There are certain things, as you know, that have been absolutely abused. There are certain provisions in Medicare that are horrible and abusive and there's been terrible things happening. So that kind of stuff, I will absolutely touch."
#LemonLaw
5.6.17
If Looks Could Kill...
"Wow, the Fake News media did everything in its power to make the Republican Healthcare victory look as bad as possible. They haven't even seen phase 2 of my war on women!"
#LemonLaw
5.5.17
Passing the Bill...
"But we have now pre-existing conditions in the bill. And the bill for people with pre-existing conditions will be very, very big."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.4.17
NO...
“Hey, I’m president! I’m president! Can you believe it?”
5.3.17
The Closer...
"Our country needs a good 'shutdown' in September to fix mess! I do the best 'shut downs'. My Taj Mahal casino shut down last October and by November I was President!"
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.2.17
Unfair Coverage...
“When I watch some of the news reports, which are so unfair, and they say we don’t cover pre-existing conditions — we cover it beautifully. Anybody with a pre-existing condition can go into a high-risk pool."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
5.1.17
Lemon Verbatim Per Se Epiphany
"I don’t stand by anything. I just—you can take it the way you want. I think our side’s been proven very strongly. And everybody’s talking about it. And frankly it should be discussed,”
4.30.17
Lemon Verbatim States He Doesn't Want the Government to Have Your Back…
"Look, because if you hurt your knee, honestly, I'd rather have the federal government focused on North Korea, focused on other things, than your knee, okay? Or than your back, as important as your back is. I would much rather see the federal government focused on other things–bigger things."
#LemonLaw #DivestDonald
4.29.17
The Ingenious Queens-Born Noble Don Quixotic of Mar-a-Lago
"I thought it would be easier."
#LemonLaw #SqueezetheLemon #DivestDonald
4.28.17
Just Awful...
"We're moving awfully well. We're getting an awful lot of things done."
#LemonLaw
4.27.17
"The Lemon Verbatim Reflects on the Cummings and Going's at the White House...
Well he said, you’ll be the greatest president in the history of, but you know what, I’ll take that also, but that you could be. But he said, will be the greatest president but I would also accept the other. In other words, if you do your job, but I accept that. Then I watched him interviewed and it was like he never even was here. It’s incredible. I watched him interviewed a week later and it’s like he was never in my office. And you can even say that."
#LemonLaw
4.26.17
Impalatable Lemon Verbatim...
"I think $10 billion or less. And if I do a super-duper, higher, better, better security, everything else, maybe it goes a little bit more. But it's not going to be anywhere near kind of numbers. And they're using those numbers; they're using the high numbers to make it sound impalatable. And the fact it's going to cost much less money, just like the airplane I told you about, which I hope you can write about."
#LemonLaw
4.25.17
Impenetrable...
"The drugs pouring through on the southern border are unbelievable. We're becoming a drug culture, there's so much. And most of it's coming from the southern border. They're coming around in certain areas, but if you have a wall, they can't do it because it's a real wall. The wall will stop the drugs. I just hope they don't think of using boats or planes."
#LemonLaw
4.24.17
A Question of Terms...
"I think the 100 days is, you know, it's an artificial barrier. It's not very meaningful. I think 200 days is the real barrier. I don't think I'll make it past 200 days"
#LemonLaw
4.23.17
Budget Barrier...
"The Democrats don't want money from budget going to border wall despite the fact that it will stop cheap prescription drugs and very bad ideas about socialized medicine. Eventually, but at a later date so we can get started early, Canada will be paying, in some form, for the badly needed border wall."
#LemonLaw #TaxMarch
4.22.17
Dearth Day...
"I did what was an almost an impossible thing to do for someone so willfully ignorant-easily won the Electoral College! Now Science is brought up again? Someone should look into who paid for the organized scientists when we are cutting their funding. The election is over!"
#MarchForScience #TaxMarch #LemonLaw
4.20.17
Wavering Relations with Russia...
"Things will work out fine between the U.S.A. and Russia. At the right time everyone will come to their senses & there will be lasting peace! Do not worry. We are working on a little waiver for Exxon to drill in the Black Sea with Rosneft. Things will work out!"
#TaxMarch #LemonLaw
4.19.17
The Defense of the Fox Host by the Chicken-Don Verbatim
"I think he's a person I know well — he is a good person, I think he shouldn't have settled; personally I think he shouldn't have settled. Because you should have taken it all the way. I don't think Bill did anything wrong."
4.17.17
Lemon on a Roll...
"We will be stronger and bigger and better as a nation than ever before, and we are right on track. I’ve seen those kids, and they’re highly, highly competitive. Our military is building and is rapidly becoming stronger than ever before. Frankly, we have no choice! We sent lots and lots of cruise missiles to the airport in Syria. We dropped the biggest bomb on Afghanistan. THE BIGGEST. We sent an armada to North Korea! I am also playing many, many rounds of golf at my private club and making lots and lots of money with my family business. We are sending a message to China and many, many countries. We are all over the map."
#TaxMarch #LemonLaw
4.16.17
Lemon-Chicken Verbatim with Capers...
"I did what was an almost an impossible thing to do for a Republican-easily won the Electoral College! Now Tax Returns are brought up again? Someone should look into who paid for the small organized rallies yesterday. The election is over!"
4.15.17
Fools Russian...
"Do not be surprised that Putin and I are not best friends anymore. My Russian nesting-doll business went bad. I've had lots and lots of business deals that go bad. Bankruptcy. I still win. I do the most beautiful bankruptcies."
#TaxMarch
4.14.17
Which Came First, The Chicken Or The Audit?...
“So, the answer is, I’ll release. And I’d like to release. But the audit. I'm under audit every single year. My business is so big, they can't stop auditing. They start auditing at one end, and by the time they reach the other end, they have to start over again. And some of my businesses are so big, they have to go bankrupt. I make a lot of money, because I make a lot of money and the business goes bankrupt. I don't have to pay the taxes on the money the business lost. It's very complicated. I'd like to release. I'll release when the audit is over which is never."
#TaxMarch
4.13.17
Egg Roll Re-accommodation...
"The Easter Egg Roll is on target. We will have the best egg roll. We asked Sesame Street to send characters before we defund them. Senate Democrats refuse to confirm them. Do not worry. We have Big Bird. BIG BIRD! We have the best Big Bird. We have Chicken Don!"
4.12.17
The Lemon Verbatim in Full Chicken-Don Regalia Recalls Explaining His Attack on Syria to PRC President Xi, Over Dinner at His Private Country Club...
“I said, Mr. President, let me explain something to you — this was during dessert, we’ve just fired 59 missiles, all of which hit, by the way, unbelievable, from, you know, hundreds of miles away, all of which hit, amazing. Brilliant. It’s so incredible. It’s brilliant. It’s genius...He was eating his cake and he was silent.”
#TaxMarch
4.11.17
And Now a Passover Re-accommodation from the Press Secretary...
“Adolf Hitler didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons...I think when you come to sarin gas, there was no — he was not using the gas on his own people the same way that Assad is doing, I mean, there was clearly, I understand your point, thank you. Thank you, I appreciate that. There was not in the, he brought them into the Holocaust center, I understand that. What I am saying in the way that Assad used them, where he went into towns, dropped them down to innocent, into the middle of towns, it was brought — so the use of it. And I appreciate the clarification there. That was not the intent.”
#TaxMarch
4.10.17
False Flag...
"Thank you U.S. Navy for creating such a beautiful smokescreen by bombing Syria. Now Tillerson can negotiate with Putin without all the FAKE NEWS. Maybe Putin will back down from backing Assad in exchange for our lifting sanctions and the Rosneft/Exxon deal can go through."
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
4.9.17
By day, brash and incompetent, at night, the Lemon slips into his robe and becomes the Chicken Don–taking on corruption and fighting justice! No one ever sees his taxes–will the Chicken ever be unmasked...
"Well, we're working on that now. I have very big returns, as you know, and I have everything all approved and very beautiful and we'll be working that over in the next period of time–perhaps when I'm subpoenaed."
#TaxMarch
4.8.17
The Presidency Is the Bomb…
"Watch my ratings soar now that we conveniently exploded a few buildings and planes in Syria. And not only did I appoint such a Supreme-right judge, but we also exploded the Senate. We even have an in-house Bannon/Kushner blow-up. Next, we explode Obamacare. It will be tremendous. My ratings will explode!"
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
4.7.17
One-Off...
"Do not worry. It was just a one-off. I instructed Obama to stay out of Syria many, many times. That is because he tried to get congressional approval–Big Mistake. If you are going to bomb, you shouldn't waste time thinking it through. By not thinking, I surprise our enemy and send a clear message that I'm not going to think things through."
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
4.6.17
Courting Votes....
"And the trade is starting now, big league. The Dems say we stole the Supreme Court seat. We did not steal the Supreme Court seat. We traded the Supreme Court seat for the soul of the evangelical vote when they voted for me."
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
4.5.17
Lemon to Deliver Evidence Only After It's Fully Baked...
"I think it’s going to be the biggest story, It’s such an important story for our country and the world. It is one of the big stories of our time. It's a tremendous, phenomenal, unbelievable story. When people see this story, they won't believe it."
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
4.4.17
Lemon Draws on Trust...
"Those who do not believe in our Constitution, or who support bigotry and hatred, will not be admitted for immigration into the country. We must protect our homegrown bigotry, hatred, and ignorance. We must save our American jobs, our jobs that run the country. I will secure our borders to keep out the unbelievers. I will draw money from my business-linked trust."
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
4.3.17
Lemon Verbatim Finds Proof of the Tapper from White-House Secret Back-Channel to FOXNews and Tweets Info to FBI...
"@FoxNews from multiple sources: 'There was electronic surveillance of Trump, and people close to Trump. This is unprecedented.' @FBI"
Also, Lemon Verbatim Believes Tapper Gave the Answers to the Debate to Hillary. Unfair Because He Had No Answers...
"Did Hillary Clinton ever apologize for receiving the answers to the debate? Just asking!"
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
4.2.17
Source...
"The real story turns out to be the Tapper left the Tap running. Lots of LEAKING! Find the Leakers."
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
4.1.17
Executing the Republican Agenda...
"The Freedom Caucus will hurt the entire Republican agenda if they don't get on the team, & fast. We must fight them, & Dems, in 2018! We will run as the Opposition Party. We will take back control! Do not worry. We will oppose our government and win!"
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.31.17
The Lemon Verbatim and the Flynn-Flam Flip...
"If you're not guilty of a crime, what do you need immunity for, right?"
"Mike Flynn should ask for immunity in that this is a witch hunt (excuse for big election loss), by media & Dems, of historic proportion!"
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.30.17
White House Secret Source...
"It was not White House officials. White House officials did not let Nunes into the White House to see our Secret Sauce. It was the TAPPER. I saw Him! The Tapper was there! The Tapper left the door open!"
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.29.17
Press Secretary Gives the Media a Russian Dressing Down...
"Everybody stop shaking your head"
#LemonLaw #SqueezeTheLemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.28.17
The Lemon Denies Ties to his Campaign...
"No. I never knew my national security advisor, Michael Flynn. Paul Manafort–I may have met him once when he was my campaign manager. I mean, we might've been in the same room once–I don't recall. Carter Page? Who? J.D. Gordon? Huh? Roger Stone. I meet a lot of people. Jared Kushner–No, I never met him. Does he work here?"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.27.17
Same Old Newness...
"Mr. Lemon, do you feel vindicated that the leaks to Nunes came from you?"
“I somewhat do. I must tell you, I somewhat do. I very much appreciated the fact they found what they found. But I somewhat do.”
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.26.17
Eye on the Pie...
"Obamacare is exploding. It's imploding and then it's going to explode. It's exploding right now. It's exploding in my face. It's like a pie that exploded in my face. Obamacare is going to EXPLODE! It's like I'm a clown and the Obamacare Pie is exploding in my face. But it's OK. Do not worry! I'm going to hide under my desk. I have the best desk. I'm the president and you're not. Say hello to everybody OK?"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.25.17
Lemon Verbatim Plays Russian Roulette with Republicans...
"Guys, we’ve got one shot here.”
"Look, I’m a team player, I’ve played this team."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.24.17
TIME Uncovers The Lemon Verbatim...
"So hopefully things will straighten out. But I inherited a mess, I inherited a mess in so many ways. I inherited a mess in the Middle East, and a mess with North Korea, I inherited a mess with jobs, despite the statistics, you know, my statistics are even better, but they are not the real statistics because you have millions of people that can’t get a job, ok. And I inherited a mess on trade. I mean we have many, you can go up and down the ladder. But that’s the story. Hey look, in the mean time, I guess, I can’t be doing so badly, because I’m president, and you’re not. You know. Say hello to everybody OK?"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.23.17
Calling It Curtains...
"The deep state is still here. They keep investigating me. They are trying to run the government from within–with all their rules and laws. I had to change all the curtains. I know they were hiding behind the CURTAINS! I have to go to the golf course to get away from the Tapper! I am doing all my work on the golf course. We need to repeal and replace their rules and laws so I can get back to business."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.22.17
The Lemon Verbatim Defends How He Won...
“The Russian market is attracted to me...Almost all of the oligarchs were in the room.”
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.21.17
A Real American Job...
"We're going to put coal miners back to work. Our new American Health Care Act will also put a lot of people underground. Our repeal and replace healthcare bill will free 24 million from health insurance. That's 1 million more then if we just repealed Obamacare. They said there was no path to 23 million, but maybe there is a path to 24 million. We're doing a real job on America and setting American workers back!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.20.17
Must Find Leaker Now!...
"C-SPAN is FAKE NEWS and everybody knows it! The real story that the FBI is leaking its investigation of my campaign collusion with Russia to failing C-SPAN. Must find leaker now!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.19,17
The Writing on the Wall...
"But let me give you the bad, the sad, – news. The FAKE NEWS, some of the most dishonest people in the world. A federal judge blocked my watered-down version of the first order. A first-order watered-down version! I announced my watered-down Muslim ban and it was leaked to the FAKE NEWS. The judge from the Ninth Circuit, the much overturned circuit – They tapped my wires – my wires are the best wires. They leaked on my wires. They leaked my words to UK intelligence who sent it to Obama through Fox News. But, I have no opinion about it. Ask FOX News. The judge used my words against me!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.18.17
Lemon Verbatim Reaches Out to the Global Community...
"And if America does what it says and if your president does what I've been telling you, there is nobody anywhere in the world that can even come close to us, folks. Not even close."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.17.17
Saint Patrick's Day Limerick: There once was a man named Tucker…
The Tucker: This bill has as one of its centerpieces a tax-cut for investors that would primarily benefit people making over $250,000 a year. They’ve already done pretty well in the past ten years, as you know.
Lemon Verbatim: Yeah.
The Tucker: A Bloomberg analysis showed that counties that voted for you — middle-class and working-class counties — would do far less well under this bill—
Lemon Verbatim: Yeah. Oh, I know.
The Tucker: — than the counties that voted for Hillary, the more affluent counties.
Lemon Verbatim: I know. It’s very preliminary.
The Tucker: It seems like maybe this isn’t consistent with the last election.
Lemon Verbatim: No. A lot of things aren’t consistent. But this is going to be negotiated.
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.16.17
The Tucker, the Tapper, and the Lemon Verbatim...
The Tucker: So on March 4th, 6:35 in the morning, you’re down in Florida, and you tweet, the former administration wiretapped me, surveilled me, at Trump Tower during the last election. How did you find out? You said, I just found out. How did you learn that?
Lemon Verbatim: Well, I’ve been reading about things. I read in, I think it was Jan. 20th, a New York Times article where they were talking about wiretapping. There was an article. I think they used that exact term. I read other things. I watched your friend Bret Baier the day previous where he was talking about certain very complex sets of things happening, and wiretapping. I said, wait a minute, there’s a lot of wiretapping being talked about. I’ve been seeing a lot of things. Now, for the most part, I’m not going to discuss it, because we have it before the committee and we will be submitting things before the committee very soon that hasn’t been submitted as of yet. But it’s potentially a very serious situation.
The Tucker: Why not wait to tweet about it until you can prove it? Don’t you devalue your words when you can’t provide evidence?
Lemon Verbatim: Well, because the New York Times wrote about it. Not that I respect the New York Times. I call it the failing New York Times. But they did write on Jan. 20th using the word wiretap. Other people have come out with…
The Tucker: Right, but you’re the president. You have the ability to gather all the evidence you want.
Lemon Verbatim: I do. I do. But I think that frankly we have a lot right now. And I think if you watch—if you watched the Bret Baier and what he was saying and what he was talking about and how he mentioned the word “wiretap,” you would feel very confident that you could mention the name. He mentioned it. And other people have mentioned it. But if you take a look at some of the things written about wiretapping and eavesdropping… and don’t forget I say wiretapping, those words were in quotes. That really covers—because wiretapping is pretty old-fashioned stuff—but that really covers surveillance and many other things. And nobody ever talks about the fact that it was in quotes, but that’s a very important thing. But wire tap covers a lot of different things. I think you’re going to find some very interesting items coming to the forefront over the next two weeks.
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.15.17
The Lemon Returns...
"Does anybody really believe that a reporter and Pulitzer Prize winning author who wrote a book about me, who nobody ever heard of 'went to his mailbox' and found my tax returns that I sent him? FAKE NEWS! They don't show any of my conflicts of interest, business ties to Russians, and money laundering with the Bank of Cyprus. I only sent two pages! They only show that I had a funny $100 million in losses and I still I paid plenty because of the Alternative Minimum Tax which I will get rid of. My scandals have so many distractions and my distractions have so many scandals. FUN!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.14.17
Dialing It Back...
Because of the ongoing investigations into the Tapper and the fact that the Tapper may still be tapping, the Lemon is unable to speak on this matter. We bring you this special report:
The use of "quotes" around "words" in "tweets" was "clearly" "meant" to "show" that those "words" were "not" "those" "words" in "quotes", but "other" "words". The "Department" of "Justice" "needs" more "time" to "find" the "documents" relevant to the "tapping", "but" not limited to the "tapping". Because of the "dismissals" of "all" the Inspectors Gadget in the "Department of Justice", it is hard to be sure of the nature of the "tapping". The "tapping" could have been conducted through the pipes or the microwave. "Obama" could have been watching the candidate on television. "Obama" could have been "other" people. Other people could have been watching the candidate on television. It has been widely reported by many of the same news outlets that people were watching things on television.
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.13.17
Winter Storm Warning...
"It is amazing how rude much of the media is to my very hard working representatives. They are delicate snowflakes fighting for economic injustice, racism, misogyny and the deconstruction of Western democratic institutions. Be nice, you will do much better!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.12.17
Firing Back...
"The deep state is full of civil servants. They keep trying to run America. They are sad or sick people. They keep spying on me. They give information I don't want to the Tapper. The Tapper is still trying to get me. I am firing the Attorneys General and I am replacing them with hacks. Russia has lots and lots of hackers. Tremendous. Russians gave me flash drives to talk without interference from the US government."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.11.17
Trumpcare™ Massage and Escort Service...
"I did not have business relations with that building."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.10.17
Donald's Oligarch Act (aka DOA)...
"Don't call it 'Trumpcare'! Trumpcare™ is already taken. A registered trademark for my Matryroshka corporation to funnel foreign-government emoluments to me. Also a licensed massage parlor and escort service in China."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.9.17
No Time for the Patient...
"Obamacare is collapsing. It’s in bad shape, and we’re going to take action. There’s going to be no slowing down, there’s going to be no waiting and no more excuses by anybody. We need to work fast. FAST AND LOOSE. Obamacare is like sick patient. We must get rid of it."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.8.17
Lemon Verbatim Explains the Meaning of International Women's Day…
"I have tremendous respect for women and the many roles they serve that are vital to the fabric of our society and our economy. On International Women's Day, join me in honoring the critical role of women here in America & around the world. I’ve gotta use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing... You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything… Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.7.17
Vagina Monologue…
"And now we bring out nice watered-down Affordable Care Act. No more Planned Parenthood. And no one will be forced to pay for health insurance. Americans won't pay. The government won't pay. I built a casino like that once. And nobody builds casinos better than me. I didn't pay for it. It was free. It was great. I filed for bankruptcy. I also built a great, great hotel once in Azerbaijan, but then the tapper came. THE TAPPER..."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.6.17
Muslim Ban Sans Baggage (One carry-on permitted)...
"Today we have a very nice watered-down Muslim ban. We must stop terrorist beachheads. We need time to develop our Extreme Vetting Sauce. We will develop our recipe in secret so the terrorist beachheads can't steal it. Unnamed sources from departments Homeland Security, State & Justice briefed Extreme-Vetted reporters on condition of anonymity. We have to stay very quiet. VERY QUIET! HE is still here. HE is still tapping me..."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.5.17
The Tell Tale Heart...
"And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the sense? – now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well, too. It was the TAPPING of my PHONE. The TAPPING of my PHONE! It increased my fury, as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. STOP HIM! STOP HIM! He is still TAPPING! Where is my cabinet?"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.4.17
Thanks Obama…
"Terrible! Just found out that Obama had my 'wires tapped' in Trump Tower just before the victory. Nothing found. This is McCarthyism! Just like McCarthy, I use my position of power as a force of intimidation, accusing people without a shred of evidence!"
"How low has President Obama gone to tapp [sic] my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy! Not exactly Nixon/Watergate. I was SUCCESSFUL in getting the private communications of the Democratic Party."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.3.17
Your Session Has Timed Out...
"Jeff Sessions is an honest man. He did not say anything wrong. He could have stated his response more accurately, but it was clearly not intentional to be accurate. The real story is all of the illegal leaks of classified and other information. Information such as accurate answers to questions. 'Which' of my advisers DID NOT meet with the Russians during the campaign? It is a total 'which hunt'."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.2.17
Blowing Bubbles…
"Since November 8th, Election Day, the Stock Market has posted $3.2 trillion in GAINS and consumer confidence is at a 15 year high. Jobs! Even hiring a new Attorney General soon!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
3.1.17
Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Irony Curtain...
"We should outlaw teleprompters…for anybody running for president"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.28.17
Capital Building…
"This budget follows through on my promise to keep Americans' safe,”
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.27.17
Lemon Verbatim Reveals the Source of the Leaks…
"Russia talk is FAKE NEWS put out by the Dems, and played up by the media, in order to mask the big election defeat and the illegal leaks!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.26.17
And Now A Word From Our Sponsor...
"OUR victory was a win like nobody has ever seen before."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.25.17
Lemon Verbatim – You Can't Make This Stuff Up…
"And I want you all to know we are fighting the fake news. It's fake. Phony. Fake. A few days ago I called the fake news the enemy of the people, and they are. They are the enemy of the people. Because they have no sources, they just make them up when there are none. I saw one story recently where they said nine people have confirmed. There are no nine people. I don't believe there was one or two people. Nine people. And I said give me a break because I know the people. I know who they talked to. There were no nine people. But they say nine people. And somebody reads it and they say, oh, nine people, they have nine sources. They make up sources."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.24.17
A Rising Tide Reveals All Leaks...
"The FBI is totally unable to stop the national security 'leakers' that have permeated our government for a long time. They can't even find the leakers within the FBI itself. Classified information is being given to media even after we asked the FBI cover it up."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
![2.23.17Lemo Verbatim..."We've begun preparing to repeal and replace Obamacar [sic]. Obamacare is a disaster, folks. It’s a disaster. I know you can say, oh, Obamacare. I mean, they fill up our alleys with people that you wonder how they get there, b…](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/52a8c66ee4b0a32c1362231e/1487880611404-D20E0BZ6Q3TAGJ9RNEGG/image-asset.jpeg)
2.23.17
Lemo Verbatim...
"We've begun preparing to repeal and replace Obamacar [sic]. Obamacare is a disaster, folks. It’s a disaster. I know you can say, oh, Obamacare. I mean, they fill up our alleys with people that you wonder how they get there, but they are not the Republican people our that representatives are representing."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.22.17
No Business, Like Show Business…
"I have no deals in so called Russia. When I say I have no deal, it's like no deal you could imagine. It's a PIECE DEAL. Lots and lots of pieces. One piece is the Ukraine. Ukrainians now have a choice for peace. They can lease the Crimea to Russia for 50 years or for 100 years – their choice. Another piece is I lift the US sanctions so the oil deal with Exxon and Russia's Rosneft goes through and our piece of the 19 percent privatization sale goes into the–Oh, Did I mention the Muslim ban? The wall on our southern border? Shells on the Cayman Islands. We are going to get rid of Obamacare. Another deal is Putin gets to lease Washington DC for four years or eight years–your choice."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.21.17
Swedes Did Not Suspect Such Problems from Lemon Verbatim...
"You look at what's happening last night in Sweden. Sweden. Who would believe this? Sweden. They took in large numbers. They're having problems like they never thought possible."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.20.17
Presidents' Day…
"The FAKE NEWS is not my enemy, it is the enemy of the American People! Also, the American people is enemy of the American people. The American people came from other places. Mexico and Kenya. The American people should stop protesting my CLOWN DICTATORSHIP. It is a fine tuned – you know that word 'tuned' – and that tune is such hatred. My dictatorship is a fine-tuned CLOWN DICTATORSHIP. FAKE NEWS should stop covering it. I do sort of enjoy this back-and-forth. I'm having a good time and you're going to see a lot of love. You're going to see a lot of love! Sit Down!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.19.17
Oy Verbatim Smear...
"So here’s the story, folks. Number one, I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life. Number two, racism, the least racist person. In fact, we did very well relative to other people running as a Republican — quiet, quiet, quiet.”
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.18.17
Thursday's Lemon Press...
"I think they don't believe it. I don't think the public - that's why the Rasputin poll just has me through the roof. I don't think they believe it. Well, I guess one of the reasons I'm here today is to tell you the whole Russian thing, that's a rusekie. That's a rusekie. I have no loans in Russia, I don't have any deals in Russia. Russia is fake news. I own nothing in Russia. Russia owns me."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.17.17
Lemon v. Press (V is for Verbatim)...
"I don't think there's ever been a president elected who in this short period of time has done what we've done.
"Tomorrow, they will say, 'Donald Trump rants and raves at the press'. I'm not ranting and raving. I'm just telling you. You know, you're dishonest people. But – but I'm not ranting and raving. I love this. I'm having a good time doing it. But tomorrow, the headlines are going to be, 'Donald Trump rants and raves.' I'm not ranting and raving.
"I turn on the T.V., open the newspapers and I see stories of chaos. Chaos. Yet it is the exact opposite. This administration is running like a fine-tuned machine, despite the fact that I can’t get my cabinet approved.
"And I'll tell you what else I see. I see tone. You know the word 'tone'. The tone is such hatred. I'm really not a bad person, by the way. No, but the tone is such – I do get good ratings, you have to admit that – the tone is such hatred.
"And I said to myself, you know - and I said to somebody that was in the room, I said 'you take a look at Reince, he's working so hard just putting out fires that are fake fires.' I mean, they're fake.
"And the leaks are absolutely real. The news is fake because so much of the news is fake.
"I've been briefed. And I can tell you one thing about a briefing that we're allowed to say, because anybody that ever read the most basic book can say it, nuclear holocaust would be like no other."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.16.17
Peace of Lemon...
"Mr. Lemon, What do you say to those among the Jewish community who believe your administration is playing with xenophobia and maybe racist tones?"
"Well, I just want to say that we are very honored by the victory we had. 306 Electoral College votes. We were not supposed to crack 220. But we cracked. You know that, right? I will say that we are going to have peace in this country. We are going to stop crime in this country. We are going to do everything within our power to stop long-simmering racism and every other thing that's going on. We are going to throw every other thing into a pot. I'm going to stir things up. I'm going to bring the pipeline down from Canada and get fuel. I am going throw fuel on the fire. I'm going to let everything boil over to stop the simmering. My son-in-law is a Jew. I think that you're going to see a lot different United States of America over the next three, four, or eight years. We have a very, very divided nation. Very divided. And there's tremendous enthusiasm out there."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.15.17
Confidential Matters…
"I had great confidence in Flynn. I'm a confidence man. A man with lots and lots of confidence. I knew for two weeks that Flynn had lied. So what? My lawyer informed me that I lie all the time. All the time. I had to be unbelievably decisive. My trust evolved and eroded. Flynn admitted inadvertence. He passed incomplete information. I realized, yeah, it's time. I don't admit things. I double down. DOUBLE DOWN. Flynn has been treated very, very unfairly by the FAKE NEWS. I guarantee, Flynn broke no laws when he talked to Russia. I mean, it makes no sense. When you look at the laws that we broke, Flynn talking to Russian spies is no big deal. The leaks of confidential material by 'intelligence' is a big deal. Believe me."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.14.17
Unbelievably Decisive...
"The real story here is why are there so many illegal leaks coming out of Washington? Will these leaks be happening as I deal on N.Korea in front of my dinner guests at my club. Every guest pays $200 K. Extreme vetting. I know all the leaks are illegal because everything I do is above the law."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.13.17
Palm Off....
"Come get your $200K box seats to the Winter White House. Enjoy golfing, weddings, national-security dinner theater, and nuclear football."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.12.13
Don't Let the Zombies Drive the Bus...
"I will be asking for a major investigation into VOTER FRAUD, including those voting in two states at the same time, illegals voting for the wrong candidates, and even dead people, people. We have millions and millions of dead people in America (and many for a long time). We have zombies. And they are not the best zombies. They have come here to eat our flesh. Depending on results, we will strengthen our borders to keep out the dead. And not let anybody vote. I would have won the popular vote, if they hadn't bussed in zombies to New Hampshire. We have zombies voting in America. And now I'm president."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.11.17
Barred...
"Our legal system is broken! '77% of refugees allowed into U.S. since travel reprieve hail from seven suspect countries.' (WTf) SO DANGEROUS! I suspect I have no business interest in these countries."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.10.17
ALL CAPS...
"SEE YOU IN COURT, THE SECURITY OF OUR NATION IS AT STAKE!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty #DivestDonald
2.9.17
Hotels on Pennsylvania Avenue...
"I have no conflicts of interest. As president, I am totally committed to making a tremendous amount of money."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.8.17
Lemon Grill...
"Trump Tower Grill makes great, great tacos. The best tacos. When Mexico sends it's tacos, they are not sending you their best. They are sending tacos with a lot of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They are leaky tacos. Leaky, leaky, Obama tacos. It’s a disgrace that they leaked because it’s very much against our country. You have a bunch of bad hombres down there and they're not sending their best tacos. Mexico isn't doing enough to stop them. I think their military is scared. Our military isn't, so I just might send them down to take care of it. To stop the leaky tacos which are taking American jobs. I love Hispanics."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
![2.7.17 More Lemon Verbatim..."Let me ask you, [Mr. Lemon,] has the magnitude of this job hit you yet?" "It has periodically hit me. And it is a tremendous magnitude. And where you really see it is when you’re talking to the generals about probl…](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/52a8c66ee4b0a32c1362231e/1486513863003-5GW18J2UGNXU3JZ1M8CW/image-asset.jpeg)
2.7.17
More Lemon Verbatim...
"Let me ask you, [Mr. Lemon,] has the magnitude of this job hit you yet?"
"It has periodically hit me. And it is a tremendous magnitude. And where you really see it is when you’re talking to the generals about problems in the world. And we do have problems in the world. Big problems. The business also hits because the — the size of it. The size."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.6.17
Shots in the Dark...
"I call my own shots, largely based on an accumulation of data, and everyone knows it. I do it upstairs in the dark. After 630, in my bathrobe, watching TV. I shoot out tweets. I page through a book of 17 window cover options. Extreme vetting. Lots and lots of options. The people want good window covers. They want to keep the Muslims out. It's not a ban. It's window covers."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.5.17
Patriot Games...
"I do respect Putin. We have a lot of killers, too. Big league killers. Tremendous killers. What, do you think our country is innocent? In all fairness to Putin, you’re saying he killed people. I haven’t seen that. I don’t know that he has. But if he has, a lot of people respect him. I respect him. Tremendous respect."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.4.17
Today's message is brought to you by Frederick Douglass. Press Secretary Spicer thinks that Douglass through "A lot of the actions and statements that he's going to make… The contributions… Will become more and more."....
"WTF"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.3.17
MLK Breakfast – Unabridged Too Far...
"Well, the election, it came out really well. Next time we’ll triple the number or quadruple it. We want to get it over 51, right? At least 51.
"Well this is Black History Month, so this is our little breakfast, our little get-together. Hi Lynn, how are you? Just a few notes. During this month, we honor the tremendous history of African-Americans throughout our country. Throughout the world, if you really think about it, right? And their story is one of unimaginable sacrifice, hard work, and faith in America. I’ve gotten a real glimpse—during the campaign, I’d go around with Ben to a lot of different places I wasn’t so familiar with. They’re incredible people. And I want to thank Ben Carson, who’s gonna be heading up HUD. That’s a big job. That’s a job that’s not only housing, but it’s mind and spirit. Right, Ben? And you understand, nobody’s gonna be better than Ben.
"Last month, we celebrated the life of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., whose incredible example is unique in American history. You read all about Dr. Martin Luther King a week ago when somebody said I took the statue out of my office. It turned out that that was fake news. Fake news. The statue is cherished, it’s one of the favorite things in the—and we have some good ones. We have Lincoln, and we have Jefferson, and we have Dr. Martin Luther King. But they said the statue, the bust of Martin Luther King, was taken out of the office. And it was never even touched. So I think it was a disgrace, but that’s the way the press is. Very unfortunate.
"I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about Reverend King, so many other things. Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I noticed. Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, and millions more black Americans who made America what it is today. Big impact.
"I’m proud to honor this heritage and will be honoring it more and more. The folks at the table in almost all cases have been great friends and supporters. Darrell—I met Darrell when he was defending me on television. And the people that were on the other side of the argument didn’t have a chance, right? And Paris has done an amazing job in a very hostile CNN community. He’s all by himself. You’ll have seven people, and Paris. And I’ll take Paris over the seven. But I don’t watch CNN, so I don’t get to see you as much as I used to. I don’t like watching fake news. But Fox has treated me very nice. Wherever Fox is, thank you.
"We’re gonna need better schools and we need them soon. We need more jobs, we need better wages, a lot better wages. We’re gonna work very hard on the inner city. Ben is gonna be doing that, big league. That’s one of the big things that you’re gonna be looking at. We need safer communities and we’re going to do that with law enforcement. We’re gonna make it safe. We’re gonna make it much better than it is right now. Right now it’s terrible, and I saw you talking about it the other night, Paris, on something else that was really—you did a fantastic job the other night on a very unrelated show.
"I’m ready to do my part, and I will say this: We’re gonna work together. This is a great group, this is a group that’s been so special to me. You really helped me a lot. If you remember I wasn’t going to do well with the African-American community, and after they heard me speaking and talking about the inner city and lots of other things, we ended up getting—and I won’t go into details—but we ended up getting substantially more than other candidates who had run in the past years. And now we’re gonna take that to new levels. I want to thank my television star over here—Omarosa’s actually a very nice person, nobody knows that. I don’t want to destroy her reputation but she’s a very good person, and she’s been helpful right from the beginning of the campaign, and I appreciate it. I really do. Very special.
So I want to thank everybody for being here. "
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
2.1.17
The Lemon Builds...
"I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I will build it very inexpensively. I will make it out of gold. Shiny, shiny gold. I will build a great, great wall and I will make Congress pay for it. The wall will be in Congress. It will go down the aisle, collecting money. On one side will be the Democrats, on the other side will be the Republicans. It will be a bipartisan wall. Everybody will love the wall. Congress will pay for it, mark my words."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty #divestdonald
![1.30.17Meat [sic] President Bannon..."To be clear, this is not a Muslim ban, as the media is falsely reporting. This is not about religion — this is about terror and keeping our country terrified. I guarantee you, if you are afraid, we will win, big…](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/52a8c66ee4b0a32c1362231e/1485879144686-QQK2OF3D929R1GSDT59Y/16299096_10211793262926635_5712836938453661939_n.jpg)
1.30.17
Meat [sic] President Bannon...
"To be clear, this is not a Muslim ban, as the media is falsely reporting. This is not about religion — this is about terror and keeping our country terrified. I guarantee you, if you are afraid, we will win, big league."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty #divestdonald
1.30.17
The Times Is Not Very Good…
"The Times is not very good. Sad. They said in the primaries I didn't have the constitution to be president. Wrong. I have the Constitution. I love the Constitution. I didn't read it. I don't need to read it. I am a smart person. I have a lot of money. I know what it says. It's long. It's unfair because I don't have my glasses. It has big words. Big words. I have the best words. Some words have to go. Extreme vetting. Maybe 75% needs to go so people can read it. I guarantee people could read it, if it was 75% shorter. It would be free. We would save money and Mexico would pay for it with the trade deficit. Some big words have to go."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty #divestdonald
1.29.17
Lemon Liberty Redux...
(Pay no attention to the man behind the Lemon)
"Mr. Lemon, I promise that I will ALWAYS have your back. I will ALWAYS be with you."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
1.28.17
Liberty Lemon...
"I promise that our administration will ALWAYS have your back. We will ALWAYS be with you. We will ALWAYS be in front of you. We will ALWAYS be on top of you."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty#DivestDonald
1.27.17
Lemon Verbatim...
"So, I went to the CIA, my first step. I have great respect for the people in intelligence and CIA. I'm -- I don't have a lot of respect for, in particular one of the leaders. But that's okay. But I have a lot of respect for the people in the CIA.
"That speech was a home run. That speech, if you look at Fox, OK, I'll mention you -- we see what Fox said. They said it was one of the great speeches. They showed the people applauding and screaming and -- and they were all CIA. There was -- somebody was asking Sean -- 'Well, were they Trump people that were put--' we don't have Trump people. They were CIA people...
"That location was given to me. Mike Pence went up before me, paid great homage to the wall. I then went up, paid great homage to the wall. I then spoke to the crowd. I got a standing ovation. In fact, they said it was the biggest standing ovation since Peyton Manning had won the Super Bowl and they said it was equal. I got a standing ovation. It lasted for a long period of time...That speech was a total home run. They loved it...
"People loved it. They loved it. They gave me a standing ovation for a long period of time. They never even sat down, most of them, during the speech. There was love in the room...
"That speech was a good speech. The people of the CIA loved the speech. If I was going to take a vote in that room, there were, like, 300, 350 people, over 1,000 wanted to be there but they couldn't. They were all CIA people. I would say I would've gotten 350 to nothing in that room. That's what the vote would've been. That speech was a big hit, a big success -- success."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty #DivestDonald
1.26.17
All the King's Armies…
“I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. I will build the wall out of gold. Mexico has a lot of gold. And then I'm going to put my name on the wall. And then I'm going to sit on the wall."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty
1.25.17
Dispatches from Planet Lemon...
"I'm a very big person when it comes to the environment. I have received awards on the environment. They were cash awards. Lots and lots of cash. Believe me, people, we can sell off the environment and make lots and lots of money–right here in America."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty #DivestDonald
1.24.17
Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel...
"Mr. Lemon, you must divest!"
"I don't want to divest, I want to unite. Therefore, I do hereby proclaim Jan. 20, 2017, as National Day of Patriotic Devotion, in order to distract you."
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty #DivestDonald
1.23.17
Another installment of the Great Lemon Installed...
"Let me tell you people, I love the Constitution. The First Amendment–Tremendous. It says the government shall have no limit on free speech. That means I can say whatever I want. Tremendous."
#Lemonlaw, #Squeezethelemon, #Zesty
1.22.17
The Great Lemon Installed...
"Mr. Lemon, show us your taxes!"
"Taxes? I don't pay no stinking taxes!"
#Lemonlaw #Squeezethelemon #Zesty
1.21.17
The Great Lemon Oath...
"I swear there were 1.5 million at my inauguration, if you count all my lies."
#Lemonlaw, #Squeezethelemon, #Zesty
1.20.17
And now for the adventures of the Great Lemon...
"Mr. Lemon, Show us your taxes!"
"Can't do it. Hands too small. Sad."
#LemonLaw
When life gives you lemons, buy a fake lemon for a dollar to celebrate.